Today has been an emotional day for me and I am not sure why. However, I have learned that emotions have a mind of their own. They seem to move when they want to. They know what needs to be processed and dealt with before we do, or at least that’s my experience. Perhaps they were triggered when I stopped off to pick up my seats, that I had reupholstered. I walked into the one-man shop determine to get in and get out, but that is not how it went.
As I walked in, I saw a kind gentleman working at his bench. He looked at me, as if he had been expecting me. At first, I thought he was wanting me to hurry up and get the seats paid for and off his table, they had been there for a month. As I thanked him and begin to pay him, he asked me to have a seat, I really did not want to, but I did. When I did, the hurried-ness, that I came in with, lifted and for some reason I was attentive to this gentleman.
As I sat there I noticed an old boxing advertisement poster of Ali and Frazier. I asked him if that was original, although I knew it wasn’t. He of course said no, but I wish it were. Then his eyes begin to shift a little, as though he was remembering something. He looked at me and said, boy things sure have changed since that time. He begun to tell me a little about himself, where he came from, what he used to do. Then he asked me what I did. I told him I am a pastor and work with addictions. He said, boy I bet you have seen some challenges and trials in the life of people. I said sure, there is a lot of brokenness out there. Somehow, we got on personal struggles and disappointments and that is where I felt a lump in my throat. I tried to keep talking but it was obvious, I was emotional.
I begin to think about my past year and how in the world I am still standing here.
I thought about Gods faithfulness even though I am ashamed of some of the ways I responded to the trials. This year my family and I have experience a lot of heart ache and break. Yet God, has enabled us to continue, to stand and believe. I would like to say that it was because of my resilience, but I know that is far from the truth. It was completely by his faithfulness.
I thought about – my oldest child’s challenges, where she has been and what she has been through. I remembered the agony of those moments for her mother and me. I remember thinking that there is not a pain worse than this and asking God, where are you? Yet God, walked us through and remained faithful.
Then I was accused of plagiarism, as I was completing a master’s program. The incident, was my fault, but an honest mistake. However, I was nearly dropped from the class that I, had just turned in the last final for. The end result was, I made it through- but not without offering three extra papers. I thought I had never experienced frustration and anger like that before. Yet God, was faithful.
My mother was diagnosed with Lung cancer – and passed one month later, causing a new emotion, of deep grief, that I have never known before. If you would have asked me, then, if I was going to make it. I would have said; not a chance, nor do I care to. Yet God, was there, his presence overshadowing me, he brought a comfort only he could bring, at the right time, and the right place. Once again, God showed faithful.
The church suffered some unique challenges and setbacks. However, God overcame everyone. God showed faithful.
My little girl – had an appendectomy – due to her appendix rupturing.When this happen, I remembered the anger, worry and hopelessness I felt. Even though I, at that time, responded with anger and resentment. God stayed with me, God was faithful- and his presence found and carried me, my wife, my little girl and family. God showed faithful.
I have learned that the faithfulness of God – is the only sure thing there is. He remains, even when I push him away and lift my fist, he waits and allows my response.
He then, at the right time, breaks through with his presence and his voice and whispers…
Did I not promise? “I am faithful, even if you are not”, “I will never, leave you or forsake you”.
lean on the faithfulness of our God